As the tears roll.....

As I begin to type, let me say Im truly blessed and grateful for all the things that has happened. I can truly say that God has truly blessed me-This I know! But as I sit here, for some reasons the tears wont stop flowing. First, my dad told my mom this morning that he feels like their being punished. He doesnt know why but that they are being punished cause God hasnt answered our prayers. My mom wanted to run and cry cause she knows God. God will never punish you for doing good and what he knows is right. I constantly brag that my mom has a good heart, will do and take care of anybody. Yeah she can be crazy at times like everybody else but o how good is her heart. I'm striving to be like her. I just think its our time to go thru and when we come out, the blessing for both my sister and I will be so great and so magnificent neither of us could imagine.

Next, James replied to the letter I wrote. Did I email him with hurt, anger, and bitterness in my heart-YES sir! Am I still mad at how he handled the situation and didnt tell me that he was upset we never met? Yes indeed! However, I am beating myself up more for letting him get away! I truly had EVERYTHING I wanted in a man and let it slip away....Again, I cant this relationship thing together. Maybe I meant to be alone or settle. I just had this convo with Tiff last night and was so sure of myself not settling and now not so sure. I let me feelings get in the way of something I have been searching for my entire life. He loved music, sports, food, travel, and carried the intellectual stimulation needed to keep me. Now Ive lost it and I have to wonder does it come back around???? I truly had a thing for James and for the 1st time everybody knew him and liked him. I thought I took a new route with him but I guess the baggage from Marcus was to much!

For now, Im going to take some time and pray and do me! I got alot on my plate and alot I want to accomplish. I made up in my mind today that the pride goes out the window. I hope and pray that James or similar comes back around. For now, I gotta focus on me!

God bless

What a wonderful God he is!!!!

So, this whole month, I have just been having a vibe...An awesome vibe like God is about to work in me, thru me, and around the people I love the most. Its hard to explain but the dream I had this morning was about me working and it was a good dream. The dreams this month have been so good yet, so real. Im motivated, and inspired. I cant ever recall this feeling. I have found some great mentors and about to take my passion and purpose to another level. I feel like a great job is around the corner. I have booted out the people thats not down for the voyage. I thank God for true friends and a loving fam but I also thank him for showing where and how to leave the others behind. I realize that I am capable of loving and know how to love. There is a new me, that says Im sorry and actually has an affectionate side( like those pet names..LOL) Im growing and God I thank you for allowing me to go thru the situation with Marcus, it has taught me so much. No longer do I regret but thank you all day everyday for the lessons that came out of it. I believe the healing is in place and I free again. Free to do and believe in myself. I now realized that I actually liked James more than I cared to believe or let on. He was everything I wanted in a man and then some and for the 1st time I let everyone in my world. EVERYBODY knew him! However, God I know if you brought me that, you will bring someone else or the situation back around.

Watch over my sister, for she about to take a test that she needs to take a career to the next level. For the 1st time ever, she was confident in herself and YOU! She said whatever the outcome maybe she knows you are in control! WOW pretty powerful. Over the last month, I watched you grow inside her on so many levels. So I know you answer prayers. I wish her luck cause you and I both know teaching is her calling..We know you brought her to far to leave her.

A side note, I pray for traveling grace this weekend. Nobody deserves the championship better the Saints. Let it be a great game and the victory be yours in the end.( I think my uncle would never stop talking about this, he has waited for 40 years for this)

I continue to pray for my friends. All have their own battles- finances, family, health,etc. Continue to watch over them and hold their hands.

God the passion and drive is here, Im just waiting on the miracle!