Why I love him so much...

So today I did absolutely none of the things I was suppose to do! I spent the day whining about Sir James. Him is my heart! I talked about with my bFF, with my godsis, and Davola. I love this boy! I do, I do! Im banging my head against the wall- I love him and was meant for him. Why cant he see that??? Hell everybody knows him and probably sick of me talking about him! This is what I emailed to my BFF today:

Digging thru my emails looking for something I found this stored away... The line in green is what made me fall for this man! The purple is what I missed! I know here we go again but I need to put this boy behind me! I think about him, me, him and me all day, everyday. I know realized what he meant to me, now no Im not ready for a relationship but he was MINE! and now she has him! This guy had me pumped to take over the world together. He made me feel like it was ok, I got you. I was his wonder woman. We had the pet names etc. He made me want to do the little things that I didn't do with Phillip or Marcus. ( like the things most people do in relationships but I always asked WHo does that? LOL) I was ready though and the sad part- I WANTED TO DO them without any hesitation. Like all the little things- I had a dream about it! We had the same idea about romance and picnics, etc.

He was everything I wanted in a guy except age & he lost his virginity late but I got over that! He loved to eat, travel, loved sports, loved music. It got no better than this....

And you cant tell me he didnt have feelings..How do you put them on the backboard or give them up to someone else... I made you change your pizza and you asking me to look for a house for you..huh? Did I miss something????

He called me his WOMAN! Now, I feel like sitting like a special kid and banging my head against the wall for letting him get away...Dont laugh at me cause I know you over there rolling thinking Im nuts. And maybe so..hell we all been there....Im done!

My plans are not as elaborate as yours..lol. I plan on obtaining my JD and P.E. by 2014, and possibly an MBA if not within a couple yrs of that. In the meantime, in between time hopefully I will be blessed to have had a woman in my life that I would like to spend the rest of my life with, have 4 children and become the Huxtables. This being done while being in my current position or as an Officer in the Corp, since either would pay for it. In that same time frame, invest in R.E., and shortly after obtaining my P.E. begin an Engineering/Real Estate Development Firm. Start small and Domestically and expand globally hopefully by 2019, Mainly Africa, more particularly West Africa (Ghana and Liberia). This is a life long commitment. So by 2019, either to join an IGO or NGO, or begin an NGO to leverage myself politically for international relations to help advance my global initiatives. Write a few books on various topics of interest which would include a book on Life which would hopefully be a result of my exposure to the world, hopefully a blueprint on Success and perhaps my own autobiography or memoir. There are also contingencies being built in my plans as I go along...cause we all know that we plan and God plans!! In my opinion the key to life is happiness and what makes you happy today may not make you happy tomorrow.

My interest in music/entertainment has also led me to contemplate incorporating starting an boutique Entertainment Group/ IP Law Firm...lol! I guess I have to do as you did and sit down and organize my plans....but this little exercise has helped but it is frustrating...

That's that in a nutshell..

My fear is like Derwin on The Game tv show- is that he wont come back. I pray it does....

BTW, I vow never to show his butt this:) This is why I love him so much- Monica!

Nothing left to say...

So I woke up battling ME! Anyway, I decided this morning to focus on God and me! I mean it! I cant go back only forward! This is going to be a hard process but its something I must do! I must take everybody else out of the equation and do me!.....

Something so amazing

So, I kept telling myself last week that March was going to be a good month. Why and how did I know- my gut told me this. I felt is all the way in my bones. God knows I think too much and think too hard:) so when I tell you that I have been wrestling with this job situation, the move to DC, educational goals, career dreams, friends the ones to keep and let go, wanting to find that special someone, pissed that I had it and let it go, fear that I wont find him again, fear that if I pursue my educational dreams can I have the kids, husband. My kids are going to be stair-step kids, etc. However, I realized that my faith is strong and Im so grateful God took me thru my situation. Its been a year and a half since I had a job but Im ok. It brought me closer to Jesus, gave me spiritual growth, and let me reflect on me. I love Marcus and always will but long term I doubt we would have made it to the alter! Thank you God for closing that door, that I was trying to tear the hinges off of:) Thank you for taking me thru my situation because I now know who and what friendship is all about. I also meet some great people in the mist and realized you have a purpose for EVERYTHING! I realized if I prayer, you listen.I realized if I fight my battle on my knees, you answer. DC must be where I belong- I get it and everybody is waiting on me to get there. My uncle, moms cousin, and my BFF! Patrick started my Sunday, God you always know how to get my attention. Then the stellar awards was awesome- I cant quit- sitting on top of the world:). My girl Davola got a new job and excited, my sister got a job offer and finally figured out the Praxis..YES!!!! My brother Eric got a phone interview today for a job in VA! God is finally working in and around me. Im getting focused!
Ive had a great day! I laughed at Kim( she says Im always on the line with Jesus she cant get on), babied Phillip( him been sick for 2 days), and thinking that Darren Sharper and James has conspired to get me to talk to him again( Darren might be going to Chicago) What?? Saints need him! Is this the dream about the Saints and Bears babies! LOL.. I bit the bullet and sent James an email cause it was killing me not to talk smack to him. I miss our convo, texts, and emails..O well moving on.....