Today, I made up my mind....

So I woke this morning with a gospel song in my head...I'm still holding on...Cant seem to shake it...But today I made up mind...I made up my mind that I'm going to push forward...
I made up my mind that I still love him very much but I have to let go ( for now)....
I made up my mind that James, for now you will be.....
I made up my mind to focus on my education and career....
I made up my mind that I have had my last cry over the situation...
I made up my mind that some folks you just have to cut off (its ok)
I made up my mind that you live only once, you make mistakes, learn from them, and go the next phase...
I made up my mind that no matter what I see or hear, that my God holds the power and he hasnt GREAT in store for me.

AMEN!!!

My God told me so but I need an Encore performance

So this morning, I woke up with the same thoughts as usual...Why cant I let go of this man? Honestly, Im trying hard... I stay busy to keep from thinking about him or crying about the situation. My future is so bright that its blinding me:) Yeah, Im excited about what the future holds..God told me it was so( Jeremiah 29:11).. So I hold on this.... Side note...If you know me you know I believe God is a miracle worker...he's done big one's and little one's for me...But I read my horoscope about Aquarius and it was all ME!!!! WOW!!! I dont believe in them but once in a while it scares you...I also read some more fantastic articles about my future and new beginnings and this is when boo #2 comes into place....He is everything I want in a guy but I can't let go of the promise of the 1st...Can somebody fix it or fix me? God you are the God of the Encore- you specialize in repeat performances. So fix it like you did before....

I woke up with Jesus on my mind...

I actually feel like Letoya Luckett when I say Im torn between the two..huh..Im still very much in love with Marcus and everything I see reminds me of him...Marvin Sapp was on Monique show last night and he stated his kids name..why they all start with the letter "M"...see this is the crap I think about..Anyway, songs, his name, when I see his car, etc but I'm so curious about the unknown- James that is.. See we met thru a mutual friend & instantly became a top ten hit! We haven't talked in a bit but when I tell you the curiosity is there and the chemistry is so strong that I feel like the lab is going to explode. On paper he looks great- smart, ambitious, enjoys a good laugh, food, travel, music, and sports.. and we all know this is how you keep me:) When I look to the future James and I can reck havoc on this universe...So I ask God how can you bring something as good this into my life when I'm still holding feelings for someone else? Maybe, once I meet James I can answer this question for myself....It has been almost a year since I last saw Marcus and the healing hasn't even begun....I desire more now than ever before...mind you he has slammed, glued the door shut and threw the keys into the Mississippi river but yet I'm laughing cause I'm willing to climb in and surf them out...crazy..yes...why..IDK...I just know I love this man! The sad part is something in my gut keeps telling me this is not the end...its not over...that he is still hurt but he still loves you...yada yada.. I know move on & let go but something in me wont....cause if he came back tomorrow I would run into his arms like a child who dad just came back from the war. I constantly think about the 1st time we met, the 1st time I EVER said I love you and he said it back, I remember him telling me" this is it, Im done looking" and he meant it- his eyes told me so...As I listen to Melanie Fiona..it kills me...I keep trying to figure out God why if James is the perfect guy( conservative, hasnt been around the block, enjoys great romance, will fly to Paris in a heartbeat, has a great relationship with fam & friends, and career driven) am I stuck on somebody that wants me to hurt as much as he?!?!