I woke up with Jesus on my mind...

I actually feel like Letoya Luckett when I say Im torn between the two..huh..Im still very much in love with Marcus and everything I see reminds me of him...Marvin Sapp was on Monique show last night and he stated his kids name..why they all start with the letter "M"...see this is the crap I think about..Anyway, songs, his name, when I see his car, etc but I'm so curious about the unknown- James that is.. See we met thru a mutual friend & instantly became a top ten hit! We haven't talked in a bit but when I tell you the curiosity is there and the chemistry is so strong that I feel like the lab is going to explode. On paper he looks great- smart, ambitious, enjoys a good laugh, food, travel, music, and sports.. and we all know this is how you keep me:) When I look to the future James and I can reck havoc on this universe...So I ask God how can you bring something as good this into my life when I'm still holding feelings for someone else? Maybe, once I meet James I can answer this question for myself....It has been almost a year since I last saw Marcus and the healing hasn't even begun....I desire more now than ever before...mind you he has slammed, glued the door shut and threw the keys into the Mississippi river but yet I'm laughing cause I'm willing to climb in and surf them out...crazy..yes...why..IDK...I just know I love this man! The sad part is something in my gut keeps telling me this is not the end...its not over...that he is still hurt but he still loves you...yada yada.. I know move on & let go but something in me wont....cause if he came back tomorrow I would run into his arms like a child who dad just came back from the war. I constantly think about the 1st time we met, the 1st time I EVER said I love you and he said it back, I remember him telling me" this is it, Im done looking" and he meant it- his eyes told me so...As I listen to Melanie Fiona..it kills me...I keep trying to figure out God why if James is the perfect guy( conservative, hasnt been around the block, enjoys great romance, will fly to Paris in a heartbeat, has a great relationship with fam & friends, and career driven) am I stuck on somebody that wants me to hurt as much as he?!?!