As the tears roll.....

As I begin to type, let me say Im truly blessed and grateful for all the things that has happened. I can truly say that God has truly blessed me-This I know! But as I sit here, for some reasons the tears wont stop flowing. First, my dad told my mom this morning that he feels like their being punished. He doesnt know why but that they are being punished cause God hasnt answered our prayers. My mom wanted to run and cry cause she knows God. God will never punish you for doing good and what he knows is right. I constantly brag that my mom has a good heart, will do and take care of anybody. Yeah she can be crazy at times like everybody else but o how good is her heart. I'm striving to be like her. I just think its our time to go thru and when we come out, the blessing for both my sister and I will be so great and so magnificent neither of us could imagine.

Next, James replied to the letter I wrote. Did I email him with hurt, anger, and bitterness in my heart-YES sir! Am I still mad at how he handled the situation and didnt tell me that he was upset we never met? Yes indeed! However, I am beating myself up more for letting him get away! I truly had EVERYTHING I wanted in a man and let it slip away....Again, I cant this relationship thing together. Maybe I meant to be alone or settle. I just had this convo with Tiff last night and was so sure of myself not settling and now not so sure. I let me feelings get in the way of something I have been searching for my entire life. He loved music, sports, food, travel, and carried the intellectual stimulation needed to keep me. Now Ive lost it and I have to wonder does it come back around???? I truly had a thing for James and for the 1st time everybody knew him and liked him. I thought I took a new route with him but I guess the baggage from Marcus was to much!

For now, Im going to take some time and pray and do me! I got alot on my plate and alot I want to accomplish. I made up in my mind today that the pride goes out the window. I hope and pray that James or similar comes back around. For now, I gotta focus on me!

God bless